In the past year I’ve learned sooo much. Having a child does that to you. Unexpectedly I’ve come to realize that at this time, when I’m 27 years old, I have to honestly, without any cheating and excuses, admit to myself what I have achieved and what I have not. You know how you always go about life saying and thinking oh I’ll do it some other time, oh I’ll open an IRA next month, oh I’ll join the gym on Monday, oh I’ll call my mom in an hour; oh I need a new job that will allow me to advance in my career, oh I need to save more $$$, oh I need to travel. Somehow, and that’s so weird, there are a gazillion reasons (BS) why we don’t actually do all those things right away but with a blink of an eye a year goes by, 2, 3, 10. And eventually you go damnnnn what happened why didn’t I do it then?
That’s happened to me when I had the baby. I had to honestly admit to myself that by a standard I envisioned I am a loser. A big one. And a fat one at that (jokes i actually lost a ton of weight right before i got pregnant, surprise!).
This reality hit me like no other. Its almost even easier when others disappoint you. When you disappoint yourself, it just sucks.
But I got over it, pulled myself together, and made a promise to get better, if not in every aspect then at least in some things. I’ll prob fail but what the heck…
I think this time in my life is one of the most exciting. In 10 years I’ll probably realize I knew nothing and was so wrong about so many things but it feels like I make sense a lot (husband disagrees).
This blog is for me to reread in the future and smile to my young happy self at the time when every day if it wasn’t entirely happy it definitely was a meaningful one.